I don't know why the journey has been so varied. How the road has been so long. And I am going to be 34. 34 years old! When did that happen? When did this awkward, insecure, always trying to lose 10 pounds teenager become a wife, mother, believer who is now trying to lose 30 pounds? I'm still awkward, and I am still insecure. But now I am responsible for 4 precious lives, have a great desire to be a good help meet to my husband and want to serve and please my God. Seems like a lot for someone who can't even fall asleep at night when she needs to. You see my life changed drastically on July 16th when my beautiful boy was born premature and shortly thereafter died. (More to come on his story in another post.) Needless to say I have been challenged. Poked, prodded, torn, divided, and begging for mercy. My body is old. Older than my years right now. And my heart is beating, but sorrow seems to be its tune. I am going to be 34. God is merciful. For although my boy is gone, he is with Him and my 4 babes have a Mom; to wipe their noses, to read to them at night, to tell them no, and to bless with yes. I get to hold them while they cry, and to smile while they laugh. John should have been born the day before 34, but he came at his 24, and this year I am left making sense of 30 pounds, broken hearts, wounded belly, age faded days and gratefulness.
This is my journey. This is the road that winds down, up and around for me. This is where I begin to see the joy, where I search for beauty.
Will you . . . could you . . . join me?
