My dear friend Brandi, did something I will never forget.
She bought me roses.
4 pink. 2 white and blue.
4 for my girls.
2 for my boys.
And her whole family wrote a letter to John. Not to me, but to him. I was allowed to read it if I wanted. (I guess being the Mom gets you some privileges. <wink>)
I asked her permission to post it here.
July 16, 2014
Dear John,
Happy Birthday Lil' Buddy! Our tribe remembers this very special day. We want you to know a bit about your very sweet Mama.
First of all . . . your Mama is the kindest woman. She has a heart as big as Texas . . . although deep down inside we think she wishes she could fix her hair like those "big haired" Texas gals!!!
Secondly, she misses you like the dickens. We know she would give anything to wrap her arms around you and give you a great big squeeze!
Last but not least, she is a friend to all! You would be so proud of her! She has an amazing ability to see all of Hashem's creation with the eyes of the Creator . . . What abundant love!
So John, we can't wait to meet you! We pray for Shalom for your family.
Love,
Our Tribe
First, let me preface by saying they were way too kind in their description of me.
Second, when I opened the letter I was not expecting that. I never thought of telling him about his family. I thought it was a beautiful way to a knowledge his life.
Sometimes, it is hard for people to think of him as anything other than a miscarriage. I believe those are just as painful, so please do not think that I am saying this loss is greater.
It's just . . .different.
When he lived for such a short time,
when we couldn't take him home,
when our children weren't allowed to meet him for fear of NICU infection,
for many he became a blip. An anomaly. A sad thought.
I am not expecting or even wanting for people to remember him or the day the way we do. I do not expect anything.
And maybe that is why this gift was so very sweet.
Brandi never met him. But she knows him.
She never held him, but she embraces him.
She never saw him, but she remembers him.
And it makes a lonely heart, feel not so alone.
Thank you friend.
