Bible - Just Keeping It Real

For some people Bible reading is a very stoic and somber time. Not so much here. It is a family affair, a labor of love, and it takes some of us to new heights . . .

Are you enjoying reading your Bible today?

Seasoned With Salt Saturdays on Sunday

2Ti 1:7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

Ultrasounds

Going to the ultrasound of this precious new addition was bitter sweet. I saw a healthy babe twist and turn before my very eyes. I saw heart beating and mouth moving, I saw life.
We all hoped that we would have a boy. I know it is selfish and fleshly, but I wanted my son to have a brother so badly.
God had other plans.
I love having girls. I love that I have so many ladies to share life with. I am grateful.
Yet, I ache for my son who's heart longs for the brother he lost and the brothers he wishes he had.

As the ultrasound tech measured and checked, my heart beat wildly inside. Would this baby be on track in growth? Or would she be IUGR? We are approaching the 2nd anniversary of John's birth and it has been very challenging emotionally to be pregnant again during this time. The dates are the same as when John would have been born if he had been healthy. Two years ago, during this time of pregnancy, I found out my body was starving my son.

I waited, slightly holding my breath, till she said, "She is right on track almost to the day. She weighs about 13 oz." Tears flowed. Happy tears. Sad tears. She is growing! Heart swells. She is 4 oz bigger than John when he was born. Grief overwhelms. I think of him. Of how hungry he must have been. How he must have suffered. I know they feel in the womb. Any ultrasound shows that. He suffered in silence. And I couldn't help him.

I know this is blunt. I know this is hard to hear. But I also know there are others out there that have lost. I am not the only one. I know they must feel the loneliness of it. I know the fear of being real about how it feels and what my true thoughts are. I don't want another woman out there to feel alone. I don't want them to think their grief is crazy or that it has to be wrapped pretty, packaged with a cream colored bow. So, I have written these words, been vulnerable in hopes that another woman out there will be comforted in the valley and not feel that she has to hide in shadows.

God does not want us to dwell in darkness.

But He does allow us to mourn.

I still mourn.

And I look forward to my future.

And she will be wrapped up in pretty cream colored bows.

Thankful Thursdays

I am thankful for 20 week ultrasounds with a baby growing normally. 
And for little girls . . . <wink>